how to be attractive

Are you ready to become a more vibrant, memorable, and attractive person? Are you ready to build your charisma and create strong relationships with others who generally enjoy your company? Stop thinking you are boring or unattractive and take proactive steps to improve your own self-confidence and gain a greater appreciation in the eyes of others.

Part1

Taking Care of Your Body

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   Embrace a healthy lifestyle. A healthy body is very often considered an attractive trait. This doesn't mean you need to become a body builder or marathon runner. Start by making basic healthy decisions in your everyday life, and take it from there. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle can demonstrate maturity and responsibility, which are attractive traits to a potential mate.^[1]

   • Studies show that 12% body fat in men, and 20% body fat in women is a good goal to strive for. In men, a 12% body fat ratio increases testosterone levels and boosts immune system.^[2]
   • Women have more body fat than men, and at a 20% ratio, a women's curves are more defined.
   • Eating more fruits and vegetables is a great way to become more vibrant while you diet. Fruits and vegetables are loaded with antioxidants and plant-based pigments, which give skin a healthy glow.
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   Get your beauty sleep. No matter how groomed you are, or how much make-up you wear, studies have shown that sleep deprived people look less healthy, more tired, and overall less attractive.

   • Aim to get 8 hours of sleep each night to fight off red eyes, and other symptoms of sleep deprivation.
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   Keep yourself well groomed. Showers solve most problems. Brush and floss your teeth regularly. Comb your hair. Get regular haircuts. Keep your nails clean. Smell nice. Scent is a strong influencer on attractiveness. Personal hygiene is very important.
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   Find your center. Health is a huge contributor to overall attractiveness. You will automatically look more attractive if you look both emotionally and physically healthy.^[3] In addition to your diet and exercise, meditation is a powerful tool to relax your mind, lower stress hormones, improve you mood, and clear your skin.

   • Whether it's meditation (focus on your breath), mindfulness (focus on the now), or just paying attention to what is happening in the present moment, these practices will lead you to embody a sense of calm and ease.
   • It's a slight shift with a big impact. Train yourself to be here now and watch how others respond to your aura of grace.

Part2

Attracting Through Body Language

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   Stand with an open torso.^[4] Be attractive in your body language. Open body language can be more attractive than any outfit. You can use your body language to convey availability and attractiveness.

   • Don’t cross your arms, don’t check your phone in front of your chest, and don’t hug your purse or hold your glass of wine at your canter. Each of these can convey a closed off, unavailable person.
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   Show your hands. Generally, when we can’t see someone’s hands, we have difficulty in trusting them. Research shows that a person’s most attractive trait is their availability.^[5] When you are socializing, show people that you want to connect with them by keeping your posture open and available.

   • Don’t put your hands in your pockets, under the table, or in your coat. People may be less likely to open up to you if they can't see your hands.
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   Smile. It's incredible how important, yet simple this one is. When we smile, we automatically become more approachable, more interesting, and friendlier. Smiling is a huge tool in attractiveness.^[6]

   • Smile at people you see, most of them will smile back.
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   Maintain eye contact. Good eye contact can communicate more than words. Through eye contact you can express that you are engaged, listening, and in the present. You can show that you care about the individual you are looking at.

   • Avoid looking down or shifting your gaze. This can show that you are uninterested.
   • Sometimes too much eye contact can come off as creepy or weird. Practice holding eye contact for a second longer than you normally would and focus on something, like the color of the persons eyes. This kind of eye contact is more personable.
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   Dress to impress. Wear clothes that fit you well and flatter your figure. Studies have shown that wearing red can increase your attractiveness to a potential mate.^[7]

   • Ladies, put on a red dress or wear a little red lipstick.
   • Men who grow a light beard are considered more attractive to some. If you grow facial hair, be sure to keep it well groomed.^[8]
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   Stand tall. Keep your head up and your eyes forward. By walking with a confident stance, you will begin to feel more comfortable within yourself.^[9] This is one of the easiest and cheapest ways to become more attractive. Simply stand a little taller.

Part3

Socializing

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   Listen first. Encourage others to talk about themselves. Shine the spotlight on them. Give them your full attention and appreciation by focusing only on them. When we let people talk about themselves, it triggers pleasure responses in their brain.^[10]

   • Put your stuff away. Don't check your phone. Don't glance at your monitor. Don't focus on anything else, even for a moment.
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   Respond with questions. Ask them about positive things in their life. When they reply, ask them how they are feeling about life in general. Since you’ve already gotten a positive answer to the first question, you are more likely to get a positive answer to the second one, leading to a positive overall experience with you.

   • Become memorable and attractive through the way you let them express themselves to you.
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   Select your words carefully. The words you use can have a huge impact on how you come across to others.^[11] Avoid being negative as much as possible. Prioritize positive words over negative ones. We all associate happy, enthusiastic, and fulfilled people with attractiveness. Say things like:

   • "I believe in you." These four short words can have a huge impact on how people feel both about themselves and about you.
   • "How can I help?" Offering assistance doesn't mean you have to go out of your way to help some, but often we cannot accomplish things alone. Saying this will show someone you are an ally.
   • "Here's what's happening." No one wants to be left out. If you make an effort to include everyone, they will associate a positive connection with you. Share the information you have to become more likable. You can also use this phrase to demonstrate decisiveness in a positive way.
   • "I'll find out."
   • "You're welcome." Somewhere down the road we stopped saying, "You're welcome" and started saying "yep," and "no problem." Saying the former establishes that you have done a worthwhile favor, whereas the latter shows that what you have done was insignificant. Use the former to show a person how much you care.
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   Be playful. Laugh easily. Playfulness, as a personality trait can bring a bunch of positivity to your life and the lives of others. Not only can playfulness help reduce stress levels, but it will also help you appear more confident and comfortable.

   • Take care to tease lightly and play close attention to the other people around you. No matter what your intentions, playfulness isn't attractive if you end up hurting someone's feelings.
   • There is a time and place for playfulness. If you are in a professional environment, where playfulness is generally not encourages, save it for when you leave work. However, you can still exercise kindness and warmth.
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   Speak slower. Slowing down your speech can actually make you more interesting to others. This gives them a chance to digest what you are saying. Speaking slower also demonstrates confidences and a relaxed state, while speaking quickly might make you look overly excited, eager, or nervous.

   • Especially if you are nervous, practice speaking slow. This will help you remain calm, and maintain control.
   • You are also less likely to stumble over your words if you speak slowly.

   I have read my share of Thought Catalog in the past few months, and it seems like men have really tiptoed around the subject of holding women to some kind of a standard. Well, I’m going to ignore that paradigm and speak on what I think men look for in a woman. So, here is yet another listicle for our wonderful readership.

   1. Stay in Shape

   We want to be aroused by the sight of you being naked. People can argue the pitfalls of the BMI scale all they want, but for the average Jane, it works just fine. Men don’t want a bag of bones, nor do they want a woman who looks like she is smuggling beach balls. I suggest 3-4 times a week of cardio-esque activity. Regarding your diet…you do not need to starve yourself; you do not need those greasy chips either.

   2. Lay Off the Body Modification

   Men gravitate to natural hair color, tasteful and coverable tattoos (if any at all), and piercings that are not out of control and all over the place.

   3. Make Your Own Money

   When it comes to money, men really couldn’t care less if you make a whole lot, but you need to be making enough so that you are not a financial drain on him. If you make more than him, more power to you, just refrain from throwing it in his face like some form of one-upmanship.

   4. Be Feminine

   Men want to date WOMEN, not men with vaginas.

   5. Be Submissive

   This kind of overlaps with being feminine. As much as the word has been made into a negative, being submissive is a good thing, and it’s not synonymous with being a door mat or that you have no voice in the relationship. Seriously, heaven forbid you do a little back bending for the sake of pleasing YOUR man because you want to keep him interested in you. Personally I think feminism has turned relationships that are supposed to be loving into their own little battlefields. Rub his back, watch what he wants to watch, suck him off. A GOOD man will reciprocate, and placate to the things you want and make sure you are also happy.

   6. Sex Life

   Men want a woman that has a healthy sex drive and few past sexual partners. That means that you and your past boyfriend had a lot of sex. It does not mean that you were the town bicycle. We get it, you want to be able to sleep with the college football team and not be judged for it the same way he ran through the cheerleading squad (insert “Master Key/Shitty Lock” analogy). Life isn’t fair. Get used to it. The average Joe will never see that many women anyway. Men also do not want a woman that leverages sex as a way to get what she wants. That is a pretty good indicator that she really is not all that interested in sex [with him] in the first place.

   7. Be Intelligent

   No man wants a woman that cannot flex her mental muscles.

   8. Be Childfree

   This is kind of the not-so-secret secret. Men don’t want instant families, nor do they want the ultimate form of cuckoldry that is raising another man’s child. This goes double if you have multiple children and/or if your children are biracial. It does not matter if your child’s father was abusive, a deadbeat, a good man, or hit by a bus tragically. The bottom line is that you have a child, and it does not belong to the eligible bachelors out there.

   Fun fact: In many states, if your child starts to view him as a father figure and you two eventually break up, you can sue him for child support. No, he does not have to legally adopt you your child either. Look up laws such as “equitable doctrine of estoppel” and “psychological parent doctrine.”

   9. Be Willing to Cook at Least Three Times a Week

   I wish I knew where things had taken a turn for the worst in terms of women’s progress, but apparently the domestic ability of being able to feed yourself without ordering takeout or putting some TV dinner in the microwave has fallen by the wayside.

   10. Put Down the Phone

   We get it, your bathroom selfie just got you 40 likes on Facebook/Instagram and boosted your ego for the next 15 minutes. Then you just bought the newest chamomile tea from the coffee shop that is SOOO delicious, and you need to tweet about it and send a Snapchat to your bestie while you are driving home from work (that light up ahead is red, btw). Perhaps you should unplug from the matrix long enough to realize that there is a living breathing person in close proximity trying to interact with you. This is why my friends and I stack our phones on the table in front of us when we are at a restaurant/bar instead of only partially paying attention to the present company. It is simply amazing how many things stop being “awkward” when you learn to not use one of your various electronic screens as an emotional buffer.

   11. Ease Up on the Makeup

   The less the better. It is bad enough that the makeup industry is a multi-billion dollar industry that essentially tells women that they are ugly. What is even worse is that half of you come out of the house looking like Bozo the Clown. Maybe you should throw away the Maybelline, and work with what you were born with.

   12. Stop Cussing

   Coming from someone who is a United States Sailor, it really is not attractive to have a girlfriend that cusses like one. If you think you are such a fucking lady, you had damn well better act like it for once.

   13. Stop Hoarding Guy Friends

   9 out of 10 of your guy friends just want to sleep with you anyway. Men know how other men think. The first guy that comes to comfort you after a big fight will also be the first one to say “he’s not good enough for you” in order to sabotage the relationship, and then he’ll be the first one to try to get into your pants after he convinces you that your man is a creep. It’s not about having trust issues. It’s about knowing how people act. Trust is earned, not immediately granted.

   6 Pre-Emptive Answering To Counterargument Sound Bites:

   A. “You don’t speak for every man out there.” These attributes operate on a bell curve, and more men sit underneath the curve than amongst the outliers. Obviously not every man wants every single trait on here, but the less that you deviate from the standard the more “marketable” you are.

   B.“That goes both ways.” Nice observation. You are fully at liberty to have the same standard(s) for the men you date. You should write an article about it.

   C. “Don’t tell me what to do or how to be.” You can take all of this with a grain of salt for all I care. I am just giving you some insight into the minds of men once the filter has been taken off.

   D. “My boyfriend loves me just the way I am.” “I don’t have XYZ, and I have lot of men chasing after me.” Good for you. Everybody settles in some aspect. Holding out for the partner that is perfect in every way is a fool’s errand. He has simply learned to accept your faults. Stop deluding yourself. The thirst is strong these days. A saying I heard less than a week ago was, “If you have standards, you’re just cock-blocking yourself.” Some men will take whatever they can get.